THIS IS WHY WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS!!!
ZOMGWTFBBQ?
Mick
I'm trying my hardest to deliver this without being patently vulgar, but it seems that in addition to EA's "pay-to-play" feature, they've managed to face-fuck gamers with bullshit, aggressive marketing in Madden 2011. It's gone beyond passive, in-game posters to actual GODDAMN STAT RANKINGS!
That's right kiddies: in addition to the logical team stats, there will be "Swagger" ratings, which will affect "certain aspects of play." Certain aspects? CERTAIN ASPECTS!?!
GOTT IN HIMMEL! Madden leaves, and EVERYTHING GOES TO SHIT!
Okay...it's okay. Breathe deep. Yes.
*ahem*
So apparently, teams and players are going to have "swagger rankings" that will affect their abilities...throwing convention, and, little things like PRIOR FUCKING SEASONS, completely out the window.
Now, before you chime in and say "I'm sure prior performance will be somewhat indicative," it should be pointed out the PRIOR PERFORMANCE IS THE *ONLY* INDICATOR!
I mean, honestly...what's next? The "Tostitos Crunch Indicator" for hard hits, or the "Singer's Buttonhook of the Night"? Giggle now, my friends, that day is coming. Now that Xbox Live and the Sony Network are unabashedly hocking products from the home screen, it's only a matter of time before your online gaming session is "brought to you by Coke!!"
Rein it in with simple logic: if I pay for your product, no matter how shitty it is, I'm giving you money. THAT means you have the financial wherewithal to pay your employees, thus completing the financial circle of life (cue Elton John). When you get greedy with in-game advertising, it's tantamount to shitting on our faces, smearing it around like a 5-year-old, and giggling sweetly. And, well, that don't fly with me. I will have absolutely no problem boycotting amazing titles like Madden if this is what I can expect from these "professionals."
And let's not misconstrue: I don't hate Old Spice. I use their products to keep my armpits smelling delightful and...
SHITCOCKY POOP BOX! DAMN IT! THEY'VE EVEN MANAGED TO TURN THIS ARTICLE INTO AN ADVERTISEMENT!!!!!
>Mick
via GoMadden.com, Kotaku and EA forums